


Well, This Happened.

by FairyNiamh



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Community: 1_million_words, Crack, Humor, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapped Stiles, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 06:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: This was not how his night was supposed to go. Someone, forgot to text the kidnappers, so they were kept in the loop.





	Well, This Happened.

**Author's Note:**

> If this seems rushed, that was because I was on a deadline (self-imposed.) I started writing at 10 P.M. and finished this at 11:30 P.M. My weekend challenge was Frequency. I have never seen the movie, but I know the word.

There was no steady frequency to the torture he endured. It ebbed and waned as if his captors were the tide themselves. The same could be said for the _types_ of torture he endured.

This batch of hunters were inventive, he would give them that credit. First was the verbal threats 'tell us where he is, or else'. He could not take them seriously. They had a heavy French accent, and he kept waiting to see one of them laugh and twirl their mustache. Which, they might have done, _if_ the men had mustaches.

Of course, they didn't look old enough for their balls to have dropped.

Their threats, taunts, and bat swings made him feel bad for them. He might have thrown the idiots a clue, if they hadn't decided that drugs were the way to go. Yeah, he was still a member of D.A.R.E. (his dad is the Sheriff, he has to be a member of the lame group.) Though he has to agree (to an extent) hard drugs, including the ones that Doctors' get patients hooked on, are bad.

As soon as he was out of here and checked over for broken bones, he was going to have the biggest fucking brownie he could buy.

The wording of your questions, when asking a stoned person a question, is everything. It could very easily make or break your interrogation. Thank goodness, the inept kidnappers, never took that class.

When Bieber Jr. told him to sing... and well, he sang, very badly. The only song that he could remember was [I'm Not Gay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfy5JSTTchs). 

"What the fuck was that?" ball-less screeched once the song wrapped up the song.

"I'm not Gay," Stiles answered honestly.

"We don't care!"

"Would you prefer [Gay or European](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnemPHXaRtc)?"

"We want to know where Derek Hale is!" Green finally got out.

"Hey, it is not my fault Bieber asked me to sing. I'm Not Gay was the last song I heard and everyone loves Gay or European. Wait, are you Euro haters? Do you go around beating up Europeans to prove your masculinity? That is some sick fucking shit," Stiles turned his head in disgust.

"We don't hate or beat up Europeans..." blondie started to say.

"That's why you're beating me up, isn't it? You found out I am mostly Polish; and now you have to flex your muscles and beat up a poor skinny kid. You guys are the worst bullies ever," he sniffled and looked down. Doing his best to stall until Derek or Scott could get there.

He heard Bieber groan he continued to sniffle. "Now, he is crying. Can we just kill him now?"

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!!" Stiles wailed as loudly as he could.

"Shut the fuck up. This is why we should have kidnapped the cute blond girl."

Stiles could hear the pack shuffling around outside and started to laugh like a maniac.

"What the hell is your problem?" Blondie asked as he hit him in the face with the butt of the hammer.

He spit out blood and grinned. "I do not have a problem, but I think you are in for a rude awakening."

"What do you mean by that?"

"We have an agreement with the Argent family. We will take care of the trash, and in return, hunters will leave Derek and his mate alone," he explained.

"Well, we only messed with a puny human. Derek is hiding wherever werewolves hide and I am sure his mate is with him."

"Bzz-Bzz, you kidnapped his mate, when you kidnapped me. You are fixing to have the weight of my pack and the Argent family on you and your chances of coming out of this soiree unharmed are zero. Oh, and before you think of actually killing me, they' are all outside, waiting to bend you over their knee and paddle your little twink asses. I would suggest running, but you won't get far."

Just then the doors burst open. Glass was shattering... and Stiles sighed at the over-theatrics the pack was going through to save him. Rather than get bored, he began to sing Gay or European. Hey, the assholes had tortured him and this was his passive-aggressive way of returning the favor.

They are lucky that he had not stooped to the level of the military. He had refrained from singing the Barney Theme Song or It's a Small World. Yes, he was a mean fucker, but even he had limits.

"Will you stop singing?" Derek asked as he used his claws to cut the rope that the assholes had used to tie him up.

"Well, if..."

Rather than answer, Derek claimed his mate's lips, effectively silencing him. "Let's get you to the hospital. No more singing and no more getting kidnapped. I thought this anniversary was supposed to be a quiet get together."

"It's not my fault New Kids on the Block decided to use me as their opening performance."

There werewolf groaned at the pun as he lifted his mate and ran outside. Stiles snuggled in his arms and made a vow to make tomorrow a better day.

*Fin*


End file.
